I’m Done with the Middle

For most of my life, I’ve been living in the middle of things. For example, I’m a middle child. I come from a middle-class family. I’ve never been rich, but I’ve never been in real need either. On most debatable issues, I flip-flop or wind up in the middle– seeing the upsides and downsides but never really committing to one side or the other.

And in October, I found myself sitting in a lecture hall on a Saturday as extra credit for one of my university classes. Not fully engaged, but not tuned out either. But then the speaker said something that caught my attention, and in hindsight, may have completely changed my life. He said that discussing and debating some injustice you want to see changed does nothing, and to truly make a lasting impact you have to go out and actively build up the community that you want to see. I then thought about what community I want to see — what am I working toward? What’s the end goal?

I realized that I hadn’t really, truly committed to living for the Lord. I was living for me. Seeking a good-paying job that would come with esteem and prestige, would allow me a good standard of living, hopefully required some travel, and would take care of all my needs. And why was I seeking a job? Because society says that’s just what we as people have to do. Even though there are lots of exciting jobs out there where I could be negotiating peace agreements between warring nations or thwarting terrorist threats (these were a couple of careers I was interested in), these things don’t necessarily work toward the ultimate end goal of building up God’s kingdom here on earth.

Until October, I hadn’t really considered that anything other than a job was even possible. More importantly, I wasn’t open to the possibility that God had other things in store for me. I had been only giving God partial control of my life, saying, “Okay, God, I trust you to lead me to the right job within this range of options,” rather than, “I know you have plans that are bigger and better than mine, and I’m all in. Take all of me, and use me as you see fit.”

I have been a Christian all my life, but it wasn’t until that time that I truly handed God control of my life. I finally let go of my expectations and committed to being open to wherever I trusted that God was leading me next, and really living by faith.

Over the next few days, I did some internet research on Christian opportunities for people my age, not really knowing exactly what I was looking for, and eventually I came upon the World Race website. I immediately thought it was amazing, but I told myself, “Yeah, but this isn’t for you. You’re not a missionary. What about your education? What about everything you’ve been working towards? What about your accomplishments? What about all the stuff you’d have to leave behind?”

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if I let any of those arguments get in the way, I was giving them a priority over what I felt the Lord had called me to do. Passing up this opportunity wouldn’t really be forsaking my faith, but it wouldn’t be wholeheartedly following Jesus either.

If Jesus really gave up his own life so that I could live, don’t I owe him absolutely everything? Shouldn’t I be living like He is the only thing in the world that really matters? Shouldn’t I be doing exactly what He asks of His disciples, even if it looks crazy and reckless from the outside?

In Matthew 16:24-25, Jesus says, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever whats to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” And in Luke 14:33, He says, “Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.”

I choose to leave everything I have and everything I’ve been working so hard to achieve behind because I want to follow Jesus. I want to let go of all the worldly pursuits that I’ve been putting ahead of my pursuit of Him. For the next year, I will serve Him by serving the poor, the powerless, the widows and orphans, the broken, and all those who have never heard the good news about Jesus. 

That isn’t to say that the only way to truly follow Him is to leave the country and be a missionary. But it is what is in store for me for the next year, and I don’t think I could be any more excited. I don’t know what my life will look like after my World Race journey has ended, but I know that for the rest of my life I will continue to choose to be all in for Christ.